Heroes
by Ziva-Tali-David
Summary: Ziva is still trapped by her unknown emotions, and Gibbs needs to snap her out of it before somehting bad happens. One-shot with potential series. Sorry crappy summary


**One-shot that may end up as a series, as I love the lyric (Thanks NCIS Fan28). Set just after Ari is killed. I apologize for all the angtsy stories, they seem to some easier to me. Also, I am somewhat obsessed with the Ziva/ Gibbs father/daughter thing.**

**Lyric is from Undone by Far From Home**

**Disclaimer: Do not own lyric, song, album, band etcetera.**

**NCIS and its characters are the property of Belisarius Productions and CBS. I own nothing.**

**Hope you like it! Please Review**

**I don't need to be the hero tonight**

She slumped at her desk, head in hands, completely ignoring the tirade that was coming her way. One word did worm its way into her conscious however, that word was 'hero'. They obviously didn't get it. It wasn't about being a hero she felt, she didn't know what she felt, she wouldn't let herself feel it, so she put it down to proving herself. She dared not delve deeper for fear of discovering that maybe she was trying to be the hero.

Shaking herself she starts to listen

"You literally took a knife to a gun fight."

"You could've been killed."

"Where was your judgement?"

"Heroics like that will get you killed."

"I stopped it didn't I? I got the guy. What's the issue?" She snaps

"The issue, Ziva, is that it was out of control and could've been fatal!" Gibbs yells at her. "What the hell were you thinking. No. Forget it. I'll see you all tomorrow." McGee and DiNozzo scurry quickly to leave. Ziva lingers a moment, undecided, before leaving aswell.

After she had left, Leroy Jethro Gibbs sighs deeply. He wondered what her performance today had been about. Hell he wondered what her performances all week had been about. Maybe she was trying to prove herself. He hoped not. She'd proved herself enough when she'd shot that sonovabitch Ari 8 nights ago. Perhaps she thought she had to prove herself to the rest of the team, afterall, McGee and DiNozzo didn't know what had happened in his basement. In his mind he could clearly see her on his stairs and then next to him, singing softly. He remembered not a single tear fell from her eyes. He wondered if that was what this was about. Nevertheless, if she pulled one more stunt like this he would have to talk to the steely Mossad officer. He knew it would make her upset, and an upset Mossadi was not what he wanted. He also didn't want a dead Mossadi, whose father happened to be Deputy Director. No, he wasn't looking forward to the next week.

2 hours later, and she hadn't yet made it home. She couldn't stand being motionless, or images of him would form behind her eyes and haunt her. Hence why she was taking as many traffic risks as possible, to keep her adrenaline up and her unknown feelings out of her mind. For as long as she could remember, she'd been told that emotions were weak, they would get you killed. Ari was the only one who told her to allow them, and look how he'd ended up. It amounted to him being dead because he was in love with Catilyn Todd and couldn't have her. So he went rogue and ended up with her bullet though his head in Gibbs basement. Now she understood the wisdom of ignoring her emotions. Suddenly she knows what she wants to do, she turns her car around and drives to Gibbs house. She waits and surveys it for a moment. Satisfied there is no movement, nobody home, she enters and walks down the stairs to his basement.

He'd stayed a few hours at NCIS reluctant to leave, reluctant to go anywhere near his basement. He'd been avoiding it recently. But in the end, Jenny had sent him home, chastising him about being a hypocrite by telling his team to sleep when he averaged an hour. He was too concerned about Ziva to argue with her, so he'd left. His concern for Ziva had also led him to sit in his car out the front of her apartment for the last 90 minutes. As far as he could tell, she hadn't come home yet, and he was getting entirely sick of explaining to patrolling cops that he wasn't technically stalking anybody and NCIS is a legitimate federal agency, he sighed and decided it was pointless waiting there anymore, she could take care of herself. He drove home and was surprised to see her car on the curb out the front. When he entered he was more surprised to find her lying in the exact spot Ari had died in his basement.

She didn't know how long she'd been there when he came in, but something inside her was relieved to see him. While she'd been on the ground, she'd been thinking, and remembering. As a child she'd dreamed of being a hero, and foolishly gone to tell her father with a great big smile on her face. He'd told her that heroes didn't have emotions, couldn't afford to have them. She'd listened to him, after all, at that stage she still thought he was a good man. Looking back, she knew that was the day she became a professional at what she did. It was only now she was beginning to wonder about the cost of being a professional in her business. But she still did not understand exactly what these costs were, she guessed that was why her subconscious had driven her here, it was her abstract way of trying to understand. And apparently Gibbs had something that could help her understand and decipher why she had lost control this past 8 nights.

He could see she needed help and that she'd apparently chosen him, he could also see she was confused about something. He guessed while she'd been lying there she'd figured out something to do with his theory, that she'd never learnt to deal with her emotions properly. Considering she wasn't moving he decided it would be up to him to start the process of digging into her mind.

"They always come back." Fabulous start, he thinks to himself. "You gotta figure 'em out before they do some damage." Getting better and better, "Have you killed before?" She looks at him like he's an idiot. "So what'd you do afterwards to clear your head?" Confusion flicks briefly over her features "Nothing?" Her eyes blink once in affirmation. "So what've you done this time?" She looks directly away from him. "Think maybe there's something wrong with that?" She shrugs at him. "No matter what you're told, emotions mean something." God he was not the person to be doing this. He felt like a right hypocrite.

She knew she probably wasn't being fair on him, coming over like this, but what he'd just said reaffirmed why she'd done it. He'd said exactly what had been sitting on the edge of her conscious for the past few days. She also knew his history, and guessed he felt somewhat uncomfortable telling her to accept her emotions. Bu t he was right and that was what mattered to her, understanding her own mind. She knew there was still something she hadn't discovered, but she was scared. She'd been hiding her emotions since that day when she was seven, 17 years of emotions were threatening to surface, and she didn't know if she could handle it. She didn't know if Gibbs could handle it. What if these emotions changed her? And the first good thing in her life, NCIS, didn't want her because of it? She was terrified, but she had to know. Slowly she sits up and looks at Gibbs, who hands her a jar of bourbon, making sure she is ready.

"Why don't you face up to it?"

"When I was little I dreamed of being a hero, I was bubbling with hope and emotion when I told my father. He said heroes don't have emotions."

"So it's about heroics." He states and she glares at him. Damn, too soon.

"I still want to be hero." She admits and he looks at her, wanting her to realize she doesn't need to try. She'd been the hero when she'd shot Ari, not when she'd taken all those risks this weeek, not when she refused to grieve for her brother. He knew she needed to know this, but he didn't know how to tell her. She was looking at him waiting and he knew he'd have to tell her straight to make her realize.

"Heroics like today are going to get you fired or dead, I can't have someone on my team who is going to get herself killed because she can't handle her emotions. I can't have someone with no heart, and who can't grieve."

She looked at him in shock, she hadn't expected that, but she knew what he was doing. She knew he was trying to get her to realize the consequences of her mistaken heroics. She felt a shudder rack through her body as she fought her ingrained behaviour. It felt like she was being torn apart, like every fibre in her body was being altered. Then the images begin flashing before her eyes, she sees everything, but it's different. She sees the unadulterated rage as her sister is blown up, she sees the thrill as she travels with Jenny across Europe, finally she sees Ari and the confusion of learning of his status and then the shock and grief of him on the floor, her bullet through his head. She can't hold herself up for shaking, and the sobs racking through her body force her to crumple into Gibbs' waiting arms. And finally, her barriers broken down, and her emotions freely playing across her features, it dawns on her, crystal clear in her mind.

"I don't need to be the hero tonight."

**Random trivia: Each paragraph in the story (not authors note or final line) is exactly 173 words**


End file.
